I must really be a hypocrite after all.

Anyway, I went yesterday to the annual sports festival of my high school. If not for the other alumni with me, it would really definitely boring. Usually the school allows anyone to wear civilian clothes but they were all in uniform. And then there was a program in the gym for the dry run of cheering competition today. It's Siglakas (the sports fest) already and they're still practicing? What a major bummer.

It was also my college's foundation day so before I went to my high school, I had to attend it first. The cheering competition is a major LET DOWN. Oh, I don't want to elaborate. It would just annoy me to no end. Cheering is a major event in sports festivals right? And if it sucked, sucked bigtime, I don't even want to talk about it.

I want a laptop now. Srsly srsly. I imagine that if I finally get a laptop, I can continue writing on my fics. I can watch my cd/dvds in the laptop and my butt wouldn't hurt after sitting freaking straight hours in front of the pc. How many days till christmas?

You know why I love swimming so much? It's the only place where I can feel like I'm flying. Almost. Save for the fact that you're suspended in water instead. And the fact that you have to hold your breath for a while. But I think it's a beautiful thing to have that as a substitute instead when you want so badly to fly. I can almost say that I can fly. Swim is for water. Fly is for air. But basically they're just the same thing. Just given different circumstances.

I think I already have so many disappointments to last me lifeline. Pardon me I seem to be exaggerating, if ever you think so. But I'll just use my age as a reason. I'm young. I'm just 18. So I'm still going through these phases.

What are friends? I really don't think they mean much at this age. I seriously think only a few people treasure its value. How many people would be willing to stick up to you? You try to tell them your nose wipe stories, they wouldn't really listen. It's like, "WTF, It's not our life". But they pretend. They do pretend to listen. So I give credit for that.

You're allowed to say I'm a hypocrite. Given you don't know me anyway. And I don't know you that much to bother and care too much for whatever you say.

But I'm really tired of catching other people. I try, even if not in my selfless totality, I try. I don't pretend. I'd rather ignore your whining than pretend. I'm not looking for a reward but it was never the same in my case. I wanted to tell something. I wait for someone to listen. I wait for a cue that he/she would at least be eager to listen. But I might as well be laughed at the face for doing so. And I fall yet again. I only have myself to catch and console myself. It's the same routine and I'm tired of it. I just want something to reciprocate my effort. I don't know who cares and who doesn't anymore.

I just delete friendship text messages from my phone now.

And you can't really blame me. I've been disappointed too many times as it is. I'm tired of waiting. So to get over it, I get over myself.

I'm happy. But I think I'll leave that for my next update when I'm better.

Blog mates clean up. Some of the journals are just dead.

Kindly link back to my main page: HTTP://XXIX.KYUUSEI.ORG

I finished Nobuta wo Produce already and watched more than half of it again last Sunday with my brother. I'll spare you the ranting. I already did at my LJ.

I'm kinda spending muchly at my LJ and I'm thinking of deleting this journal altogether. I don't get that much audience here, anyway. But I'm still thinking about some of my blog mates that I'd like to still keep in touch. But then again, I haven't updated regularly here either. :/

Seriously. I must be really the most boring person ever walked the face of the earth.

I just can't write recently as much as I want to. I walk and I hear myself ranting about certain things but when I face the computer, it's all gone. I feel really heavy when I can't. I'm not a good writer but I love writing. So it feels like everything is just bottled up inside me and unless I let it all out on ink, I won't be any better. I'm really cranky and bitchy most of the time.

College just drones on and on forever. I go to school. I attend classes. I sit, listen, take note and answer tests. I go home. Everything is just monotony. It's a freaking routine I'm tired of doing. I have to get along everyday with superficial brainless people. I didn't know there's so much trash on earth. I can't even feel myself studying.

I'm brain dead already.

And the only place I feel at ease is in front of the computer. Now, if only I could park myself here everyday I'd be really happy. But no. With the shitty schedule I have right now, it wouldn't be possible. I can't wait until this semester ends and probably, just maybe, I'll have a good semester ahead with better people.

It's been really hard, almost impossible, to keep myself uplifted recently. No matter what pep talk I use, it won't work against myself. If I continue to be like this, I won't get anything done. I usually procrastinate when I don't feel good.

I really admire my brother. If there's one quality that he has and I don't, it's his positive attitude to make things even if he doesn't want to be in that situation. I wish I could be like that. Srsly.

Maybe I'm shitty too because I'm not eating properly. Sometimes I'd skip breakfast and then lunch too without knowing it and then I'll only eat at dinner. That sucks, right?

I need a better life please.